Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Morning After

a Lulu & Friends story

500 words, just because… and BEFORE Dive declared “writer’s choice”.

[ok, ok...the original post was hard to follow.  since some of you won't even try to hear the voices in my head, i've reformatted this entry in a slightly more orthodox (hee hee) dialogue layout.]

Interior. A small living room. Dawn.

LULU sleeps on a sofa bed. A heavy door SLAMS. BENNI enters, tying a short kimono-type robe.

BENNI
Lulu? Are you awake? I need the dustbuster.

LULU
Yeah Benni, I’m awake. Who the hell was that? Why do you need the dustbuster?

BENNI
Emilio. From the thing last night. He just left.

LULU
The Jewish singles mixer? Emilio?


BENNI
Says he’s Sephardic. Don’t you think he looks Jewish? His wiener does.

LULU
Stop! No details! You brought him home Benni? You just met him.

BENNI
Harold and I broke up, so I figured it’s time for somebody new.

LULU
You broke up last weekend.


BENNI
Isn’t that why we went Lulu? To meet guys? Don’t you want somebody to kiss on New Years?

LULU
I went because you’re my roommate and you begged me. It was the only place open on Christmas Eve besides First Wok.

BENNI
Wasn’t it great? All the music and the people and the atmosphere.

LULU
We were at the freakin’ Copacabana Benni. The 'atmosphere' was all cigarette smoke.


BENNI
It was so classy.

LULU
It was disco hell. And did they have to play that stupid Barry Manilow song every fifteen minutes? Did they think we forgot where we were? I swear Benni, I hate those singles things.

BENNI
Did you meet anybody? Didn’t you love it when they played all those new Madonna remixes?

LULU
Yeah, yammy-boppers everywhere. Not exactly my type.


BENNI
If they were religious, they wouldn’t’ve been there Lulu.

LULU
And those obnoxious Israeli guys. You know one of them tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around, he looked me up and down, said “Nah” and shoved me away. Very classy... So Emilio’s the guy you were making out with over by the bar?
BENNI
No, I met Emilio later. After you left, I think.

LULU
Who was the first guy?

BENNI
I don’t know, some lousy kisser. You gotta take a test drive before you commit.


LULU
Commit to what? You met Emilio at last call and brought him home. Are you trying to get us both killed? I don’t even have a door to shut, sleeping out here in the living room. He had to walk past me twice!!

BENNI
Well, it is my apartment Lulu. I get the bedroom, I pay more rent.

LULU
Yeah, and the front door’s at the foot of my bed!

BENNI
That’s how it is in the city. You knew the deal when you moved in. You’re just jealous because you’re alone and I’m younger. Where’s the dustbuster?


LULU
It’s over near the closet, where it always is. And you’re only two years younger than me. What’s the big deal with the dustbuster Benni?

BENNI
Emilio’s got this weird skin condition. It flakes off when you touch it. I didn’t know until I started rubbing his back. It was too late then.

LULU
Too late?

BENNI
We were in the middle…


LULU
So his skin was coming off and you did it anyway? Benni, that’s gross! He didn’t tell you beforehand?

BENNI
It didn’t come up, but something else sure did. Anyway, there’s all these dried skin flakes in my room. I need the dustbuster… Oh, and you might want to rinse out the tub before you take a shower.

[end]


copyright (c) 2009 Lulubelle B

9 comments:

dive said...

Hahahahahahaha!

Ah, me!
Thank you so much, Lulu. I just read this on Christmas morning before heading out for the family thang (and just after you went to bed at some unearthly hour) and it has made my day.
I was loving it until the skin thing and then I laughed my breakfast all over my computer.
Brilliant.
I can only hope it's not based on personal experience!

MarkL42 said...

Great story; it has been too long. If you name the character Lulu, I figure that's who you are in the stories. Right?

I've done Chinese food many times for Christmas. This year, I remembered to buy food. Let's hope I don't start a grease fire.

Lulubelle B said...

Dive - Glad you liked it. It's harder for me to find my way when I don't have a final sentence to aim for.

Mark - Lulu the blogger is pretty much me. Lulu the fictional character is, well, someone else. But yes, I've been two Christmas Eve Matzo Balls; one at the Copa in NYC and one at the Grand Kempinski Hotel in Dallas. Did you see the article on Slate this week about how Jews spend Christmas Eve? Mine may not always be worth blogging, but I've never resorted to tearing up a year's worth of TP. (http://www.slate.com/id/2238708/)

MarkL42 said...

So alter egos can have alter egos?
Good Slate article. I didn't know most of those things.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! LOL!

Lulubelle B said...

Mark - layers within layers, just like an onion.

Katherine - eew indeed. it was worse in person, trust me.

Vanda said...

This is wicked. I keep thinking Emilio might be an alien. Kind of like David Bowie in that wacky old movie the title of which I can't remember right now.

neetzy said...

Heehee and Ewww. Hilarious but oddly familiar. Have a great new year Lulu!

Shazza said...

LOL - I didn't know this part of you existed!

You go girl - I love your writing