Sunday, May 27, 2012

I Ain't No Challah Back Girl

A Lulu & Friends Story

with apologies to Gwen Stefani


Lulu watched the door from a table in the restaurant’s bar, her club soda and lime untouched.  He was ten minutes late.

She’d let Lola talk her into a blind date.  Lo was determined to find Lulu a beau.  She and Travis were still all lovey-dovey after years and years together and she wanted the same for Lulu.  Actually, Lulu was beginning to think Travis was what her father would’ve called “a fig newton” of Lola’s imagination.  Lulu’d been in Dallas six months and had yet to meet Travis. There was always an excuse. Travis had to work.  Travis was visiting his family.  Travis was out with the boys.  Lulu referred to him as The Phantom.

“Do you know him?” said Lu, when Lola asked her to go out with her client’s cousin.

“I know of him,” said Lo.  “He’s Jewish.  He was born in Queens.”

“That’s it?” said Lu.  “Would you go out with some guy if all I could tell you was that he’s a Christian and he was born in Louisiana?”

“Of course not,” said Lo, “I’ve got my Travis.  Pleeeease Lulu.  Just one drink.  He’s Jewish.  Please…”

Lulu had waited long enough.  She stood, took her car keys and sunglasses from her purse and turned to leave a five on the table for the waitress.  She felt a presence at her shoulder.

“Are you Lulu?  Hi, I’m Mike”

His majesty had arrived.  Lulu turned to meet her prince.  She saw a balding, 40-ish guy in jeans, sneakers and a softball jersey.  Bald wasn’t a problem.  Captain Picard made her all tingly.  She tuned in every week to watch Jean-Luc “make it so”.

“Sorry I’m late.  Traffic on Beltline was a mess,” said Mike.  “I’ve only got about twenty minutes.  Got a game tonight.”  He pointed to his jersey.

He looked her up and down.  “You really look Jewish.  My mother would love you, not like the shiksas I usually date.”

Lulu sat, toying with her keys and sunglasses.

“So what’s your deal?” said Lulu.  “They told me you were born in Queens.  I lived there for a while.”

“I’m an accountant,” said Mike, “but I they let me go last year.  Bookkeeping irregularities.”

“What do you do now?” said Lulu.

“I just hang out and go to my court dates,” said Mike.

“Court dates?” said Lulu.

“It’s nothing,” said Mike.  “Did they tell you about my roommate?”

“Roommate?” said Lulu

“She’s my ex,” said Mike.  “We broke up.  She still lives with me but it won’t be a problem.  That’s why I play softball, to stay out of the house.  I joined enough teams so I have practice every weeknight.  I have games all weekend.”

“Uh-huh,” said Lulu.

“We could get together lunchtime,” said Mike.  “I could call you and you could come over and then go back to work.”

“I don’t think so,” said Lulu.

She stood and walked toward the door.  Mike followed her.

“I’m not interested,” said Lulu.  “Really. Don’t ever call me.”


Copyright © 2012, Lulubelle B

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